Pooping Your Pants at a New Job (ft. Punkie Johnson) – I S**t You Not

Pooping Your Pants at a New Job (ft. Punkie Johnson) – I S**t You Not

– What’s good? I’m Punkie Johnson. I’ma tell y’all about
the embarrassing story when I shitted on
myself working for UPS. (horn blows) All right, woo, all right. I was in college. I was the type of person
that had the type of swag. I presented myself
as having money. I ain’t rally have shit. This trick was, I
was small enough to fit in all the kids stuff. Any designer wear in Marshalls
I would get a 18-20 in kids. All my shoes was
like $75 cheaper. The girl I was wit, she
was drivin’ a Mustang. Her daddy bought that fah her. But I told people that I
bought it wit drug money. So I was like, you know what, let me pick up this extra job. And in the country,
when you had jobs like workin’ fah the UPS,
it made you look tough. And I was young,
gay, entrepreneur. These hoes was gone
be like, “Damn, she on these big old trucks, let
me give her some play.” I wind up gettin’ a job. I had like the UPS pants,
shirt, hat, the socks that came up to here. I was up there
lookin’ like Nipsey. I was cold, son. I was real cold. But you know how it is, you
gotta start at the bottom. I had to start off as
the passenger rider. What was the embarrassing
part about that was my seat was lil’, and the
big driver seat was big. Knees to chest, that
how small the seat was. Take the box, how, lil’ seat. Box, house, lil’ seat. The day that I
shitted on myself, the guy that was my driver, he was like, “Look, I’ma
stop and get somthin’ to eat. You have any suggestions? Nah, I’ma just eat
whatever you say. This muther fucker said,
“Let’s get some Mexican food.” I didn’t wanna mess it
up and be all girlie, and be like, “No, no, no, no.” Now in my head, I was
like, when we get there, they probably got
a chicken plate, a nice protein bowl,
rice and chicken. But when we got there, damn! That fuckin’ burrito look good! I got a chicken burrito,
extra onions, extra pico, extra whatever the
sauce stuff was, and tons of what?
Hot sauce, ’cause black people got to have hot
sauce on everything. We drivin’, we chillin’. Takin’ my boxes, runnin’
down to the houses. It’s not like a
small neighborhood. You take your box,
you walk three steps, and you put it on the porch. No, this the country. I was like, “Yeah man,
I’m gettin’ some cardio. I gettin’ a workout in.” But, when you runnin’ like that, that don’t sit too
good in yo stomach. I felt the pain right
here in my side. (stomach growls) And I stop. I’m trippin’, I’m fine. So I started runnin’ again. I felt that pain again. This time it felt like
somebody punched me in my back. I said, ugh! Oh! You know what? It’s just a little gas. I’ma just pass this little gas, and I’ma be just fine. So I tightened up, crunched
my but cheeks together in my tiny seat, and
I leaned on one cheek just to give it some room. And it came out.
(Punkie whistles) You know how at the barber
shop they pump you up. And then when it’s time for
you to go all the way down, they go.
(Punkie whistles) It’s gone be all
about the stupid seat. I hated this seat,
oh my God, brah. Back to work.
(Punkie claps her hands) Bam, out there runnin’ again. Then that pain hit me, pow! Like goddammit! Now you gotta start
being honest wit yoself. I gotta take a shit, okay? I’ma try to defeat
my body again. Pass it ass gas. Maybe that’ll hold me over
for another couple a hours. Yeah, it didn’t. I pinched up real tight,
leaned over to the side. (Punkie whistles)
And then the rest of it went.
(Punkie K sound) (dramatic pounding music) Now I’m wet, and I’m hot. I’m wet, because of
what I did in my pants. But I’m hot ’cause shit is hot! I’m cold because it’s December. I’m wet but I’m hot, and now
I’m cold, ’cause I’m wet. ‘Cause my ass is hot,
cold, ’cause shit is hot! So now I’m like “Aw fuck!” I shrunk in my chair. Look dawg, I gotta go
to the bathroom, bruh. – Let me do the next ten stops. – All right my dawg, I got it. So I had to handle
that like a man. I had to git up like a boss. Back to my packages:
box, run out, seat. If I woulda looked at this dude and said, on the real,
I just shorted, bruh. I gotta get this
shit out my ass. He probably would’ve
been like, “Aight, cool.” But instead, I was too
embarrassed to say anything ’cause I’m a grown person
shittin’ on myself. I was just like, I can’t believe
I’m doin’ this to myself. And I just feel
this shit runnin’. The dude finally took me. So I go to the bathroom,
pull my pants down. I take off my underwear, and
I put a little soap in ’em. And I just get
all that shit out. I air ’em out under the thing. The psst ooh! But the thing is, it
wasn’t movin’ fast enough. That dude was ready to go. What am I gonna do? ‘Cause these pants
still smell like shit. Threw ’em in the trash can. Cool, everything gone be fine. I had a little moment. I’m back. Get the packages, I’m
back out runnin’, bam! Here go the problem. The little thing on yah pants, it was rubbin’ up on my stuff. So now I’m getting brush
burn on my coochie. I’m pants to cat, okay?
(cat meows) I had some Kleenex in my pocket. So while yah boy wasn’t
lookin’ I took the Kleenex, and I tried to slap it
between my coochie lips. The tissue paper started
streddin’ down there. I feel the tissue
paper streddin”. I’m like, goddammit! So I just gotta deal wit
the rest of this shit. Well not the shit
shit, but I gotta deal wit the rest of the bullshit
fah the rest of the day. That was a really,
really rough day. Remember to take yo
bathroom breaks, bruh. It’s worth it. (upbeat rock music)

32 thoughts on “Pooping Your Pants at a New Job (ft. Punkie Johnson) – I S**t You Not

  1. I used to be a hairdresser, and we had this aprentice.
    One day, when she wore fishnet stockings and boots; she SHAT herself. And it even hit the products behind her on the lower shelf!

    The customer died from laugh and we never saw her again after that day

    Poor thing.
    Only 17 years old 🀣

  2. Sometimes after you eat healthy good food your bidy says "wtf is this? Oooh throw all that other shit out asap!"

  3. Omfg the weirdest/creepiest thing of all is the freaks who get turned on by this shit- pun intended. Google at your own expense (therapy bills and horror)

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